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TOPIC: For Lori!

For Lori! 17 years 10 months ago #1

My Dad forwarded this to me, and Lori I thought I would post this for your amusement.<br /><br />BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN<br /> Your Clothes:<br /><br /><br />1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.<br /><br />2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.<br /><br />3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.<br /> _____________________________________________________<br /><br /> Preparing for the Birth:<br /><br /><br />1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.<br /><br />2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.<br /><br />3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.<br /> ______________________________________________________<br /><br />The Layette:<br /><br /><br />1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold <br /> them neatly in the baby's little bureau.<br /><br />2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard  only the ones with the darkest stains.<br /><br />3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?<br /> ______________________________________________________<br /><br /> Worries:<br /><br /><br />1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up <br /> the baby.<br /><br />2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.<br /><br />3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical  swing.<br /> _______________________________________________________<br /> Pacifier:<br /><br />1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you  can go home and wash and boil it.<br /><br />2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.<br /><br />3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.<br /> ______________________________________________________<br /><br />Diapering:<br /><br /><br />1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it <br /> or not.<br /><br />2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.<br /><br />3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain  about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.<br /><br />______________________________________________________<br /><br /> Activities:<br /><br /><br />1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby  Story Hour.<br /><br />2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.<br /><br />3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.<br /> ______________________________________________________<br /><br />Going Out:<br /><br /><br />1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home  five times.<br /><br />2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.<br /><br />3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.<br /> ______________________________________________________<br /><br />At Home:<br /><br /><br />1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.<br /><br />2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.<br /><br /> 3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.<br /> ______________________________________________________<br /><br />Swallowing Coins (a favorite):<br /><br /><br />1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.<br /><br /> 2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.<br /><br />3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!<br /> ______________________________________________________<br /><br /><br /> GRANDCHILDREN:<br />God's reward for allowing your children to live!<br /><br /><br />I thought that was pretty funny and had some truth to it too. I know I got clothes handed down from my brothers that mom would sew lace on to make it look more like a little girls. hehehehe<br />Anyways, hope that was of some amusement. *Smiles*
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Re: For Lori! 17 years 10 months ago #2

Swallowing Coins (a favorite):<br /><br /><br />1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.<br /><br /> 2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.<br /><br />3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!<br /><br />So far we have not had a 2nd or 3rd incident...but you can bet we won't be going to ER...
Gary aka: Grimwood, Cleric of the Western Woods CLERIC for life - I have the character card to prove it! Former owner of a Ring of Three Wishes and Jeff's finger!

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Re: For Lori! 17 years 10 months ago #3

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That was great... and far too true.<br />I copied it to send to my sister who is pregnant with her first. I hope she'll get a kick out of it, too!
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Re: For Lori! 17 years 10 months ago #4

Thanks, Joyus!  I would have to completely agree with "Clothes" and "Preparation".  Those have been SO true for me this time!  I'll have to wait 6 more weeks to test out some of the others once she's here!<br /><br />Lori
Lori :-)

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Re: For Lori! 17 years 10 months ago #5

How about:<br /><br />1st child: When your first child picks something up off the ground and puts it in their mouth, you quickly rush over, swipe the mouth clean of said object, and sanitize hands, face, mouth...<br /><br />2nd child: When second child picks something up off the ground and puts it in their mouth, you casually walk over and request that the child spit it out in your hand, unless it is food in which case the fight to spit it out is not worth it.<br /><br />3rd child: When your third child picks something up off the ground and puts it in their mouth, you glance to see if it is harmful, then nervously joke that it is building your child's immune system, and look the other way.<br /><br />or<br /><br />1st child: When your first child twists the cat's tail and the cat wops the child upside their head, you quickly rush over, separate the two wild things, clean wounds, console the crying child and patiently help them understand they can not do this again.<br /><br />2nd child: When your second child twists the cat's tail and the cat wops the child upside their head, you walk over separate the two wild things, check that the wounds are not serious or an eye has become involved.  Then walk away.<br /><br />3rd child: When your third child twists the cat's tail and the cat wops the child upside their head, you check to see if an eye was involved, then cheer the cat on from across the room.  <br /><br />Dave
You should know better than to pick up a duck in a dungeon....

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Re: For Lori! 17 years 10 months ago #6

<br />How about:<br /><br /><br />3rd child: When your third child twists the cat's tail and the cat wops the child upside their head, you check to see if an eye was involved, then cheer the cat on from across the room.  <br /><br />Dave<br />

<br /><br />Ha Ha Ha Ha!  That made me laugh, Dave!  I can just see you...woo hoo...go cat!<br /><br />Lori
Lori :-)

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Re: For Lori! 17 years 10 months ago #7

1st baby: You buy a toilet seat lock, keep the door closed, and call a $300 plumber when $50 worth of toys goes in.<br /><br />2nd baby: You keep 2 wax seals, new toggle bolts, and a wrench in bathroom vanity.<br /><br />3rd baby: You buy wax seals and toggle bolts for other people having their first child.<br /><br />
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Re: For Lori! 17 years 10 months ago #8

Pretty funny.  I'm passing this on to my pregnant daughter.  :binkybaby:
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Re: For Lori! 17 years 10 months ago #9

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Here is something where you can check the popularity of baby names throughout the years and see the trends. You could easily help 'henry' on its comeback and there have apparently been quite a few girl henry's over the years.

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Re: For Lori! 17 years 10 months ago #10

<br />1st baby: You buy a toilet seat lock, keep the door closed, and call a $300 plumber when $50 worth of toys goes in.<br /><br />2nd baby: You keep 2 wax seals, new toggle bolts, and a wrench in bathroom vanity.<br /><br />3rd baby: You buy wax seals and toggle bolts for other people having their first child.<br /><br /><br />

<br />Why do you think I made the plumbing a size bigger when I started remodeling my house! :lol:
You should know better than to pick up a duck in a dungeon....

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Re: For Lori! 17 years 10 months ago #11

LOL  I was only 16 months old when my sister was born, and the older of my two brothers came along 14 months after that, so my parents went through the steps pretty fast.  I'm not sure they even bothered stopping at the "second baby" rung.  :)

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Re: For Lori! 17 years 10 months ago #12

<br />

<br />How about:<br /><br /><br />3rd child: When your third child twists the cat's tail and the cat wops the child upside their head, you check to see if an eye was involved, then cheer the cat on from across the room.  <br /><br />Dave<br />

<br /><br />Ha Ha Ha Ha!  That made me laugh, Dave!  I can just see you...woo hoo...go cat!<br /><br />Lori<br />

<br /><br />Well, when my 18 month old daughter discovered you could make the cats make cool noises when you bent their tails at a 90o angle, I figured the cats needed all the moral support they could get....  <br /><br />Umm, excuse me I need to go rescue the dog, three months later my daughter has discovered the dog makes cool noises when she body slams it...<br /><br />Dave
You should know better than to pick up a duck in a dungeon....

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